Last day of summer vacation for me and Holdie. I’m excited and nervous and perhaps just a tad bit emotional. During the first few days/weeks with him, I remember thinking “Oh, I’d rather be at work. At least I know what I’m doing and feel somewhat confident at work.” Then, things changed. He grew more into a little person, my little person, and I realized what a gift it is to be his mama. It took me about a month to adjust to this new role enough to enjoy my baby. I know people say “I loved him and being a mom as soon as I saw my baby.” This wasn’t me. I felt confused, annoyed, sad. Not the happiest feelings one would expect of a new mom. I had a textbook pregnancy and a issue-free delivery. When I saw his face, I didn’t feel what I thought I would/should. I got a little scared when I STILL didn’t feel what I thought I would/should several days later. I told myself that I would give it about a month, and then I would need to meet with my midwife. I think I scared the Mr. quite a bit too as I honestly told him how I felt. I felt like I was in a hole that was filled with water and I couldn’t swim. My house was my prison, and sweet H was the warden. Looking back, it’s hard to believe that I felt this way about the little boy I couldn’t imagine being without today. Hormones are to blame I’m quite sure, and things sort of magically got better little by little at the one month mark. Thank goodness! We’ve had good days and not-so-good days this summer, but we’ve spent so much time together getting to know each other, mama and baby. Beach trips, ice cream tastes, walks at the park, trips all over the place, pool time, and just lazy mornings hanging out for tummy time. I knew all along that this time had an expiration date on it, and I’m kind of okay with that. Although I’ll miss the little man on Monday, I have to admit I’m kind of excited about bathroom breaks, leisurely lunches (meaning more than 5 minutes), and some more adult interaction. I’m sure I’ll be singing the blues by mid-September, but I think this will be good for both of us. Holdie will get to “wow” some new people/kids with his megawatt smile and show off his army crawl skills. I’ll get a little more mental stimulation and a bit of a baby break that will hopefully make me a better mom. What a good reward at the end of a day of work to see this face….